There's a new reality game show
Where members of the public can get rich
If they survive 6 months inside
A full-size reconstruction of Auschwitz

It's hosted by Anne Robinson
The Gestapo are played by a celebrity cast
The viewers at home can take part on the phone
Send a text message to vote on who get gassed

There's a self-appointed fashion guru
Who visits an unsuspecting couple’s house
Offering lifestyle tips and derogatory quips
About their garden rockery, choice of crockery and spouse

He slowly remoulds their entire lives
To fit a generic template of mediocrity
Then his make-over team fulfils their dream
Cue speeded-up footage of plastic surgery

What's on the TV tonight?
Are you looking forward to another evening indoors
Watching other people's lives
That are only slightly less dull than yours?

There's a group of famous comedians
Stroke over-exposed television personalities
Telling anecdotes and sarcastic jokes
About their hundred favourite nostalgic memories

There's a revealing documentary
That provides a rare glimpse behind the scenes
A warts-and-all, fly-on-the-wall
Day in the life of a documentary production team

What's on the TV tonight?
Are you in the mood for some passive consumption?
What's on the TV tonight?
A one-way conversation based on the assumption
That the TV viewing public
Is either brain-dead or extremely thick

I wanna see the chairman of ITV
Trading places with an average family
Forced to follow their daily routines
I'd watch it if the git had to sit through the shit he saw fit to permit on our screens

What's on the TV tonight?
Is there anything that might be slightly worth seeing?
What's on the TV tonight?
Is there anything that won’t offend my very being?