A bit of push ‘n’ shoving
Put the muffin in the oven
Oh yeah, oh yeah

A little midnight fumble
And the stalk will drop its bundle
Oh yeah, oh yeah

My cement mixer is all ready and whirring
Fill my pudding bowl and I’ll do the stirring
When we’re done maybe I’ll let you lick the dregs
You’ve got the cream, baby, I’ve got the eggs!

Forget the wining dining
There's a shaft that needs some mining
Oh yeah, oh yeah

It’s time to bury treasure
Deep in my pothole of pleasure
Oh yeah, oh yeah

In my chamber of secrets there’s a magic spell brewing
A cauldron full of menstrual fluids patiently stewing
When the little sprog’s born I’ll let you buy the toys
I’ve laid a load of frog-spawn, so send in the boys!

The oats that you splatter
Are gonna make me fatter
Oh yeah, oh yeah

I’m hungry for your porridge
Let me keep it in safe storage
Oh yeah, oh yeah

Slot in your magazine, cos I am cocked and loaded
This is just the way my DNA is encoded
A bird ain’t nothing, however hard she tries
Without a wad of stuffing shoved between her thighs!

Every night I have the same dream
I see your salmon swimming upstream
You ask me the meaning of these metaphors
But when I explain, there’s always a pregnant pause...

Insert your travelcard in the appropriate slot
My fallopian tube system’s only got one stop
I’m ready for the plunge, I’ve even practiced how to push
A child in my hands is worth one in the bush

I won’t rest until my uterus is put to its use
If you want me to run smoothly then fill me up with juice
All I need from you is one life-giving spurt
I wanna know how it feels to be like John Hurt

Bury your seed in my manure and together we’ll watch it sprout
This piggy bank is empty and I want to splash out
Put your cock into my coop and I will do the incubating
Pour your syrup in my Soda Stream I’ll do the carbonating