I wake up at 4pm in the morning
It feels like my limbs are full of lead
I don't have the energy required for yawning
Two hours later I am still in bed

I must have a rare form of paralysis
Which has not yet been brought to light
The only other feasible analysis
Is that Earth's gravity has tripled overnight

Eventually I managed to make it the kettle
And retrieve a mug from the pile of washing up
Later I notice the tea tastes strangely of metal
Oh, there's a Brillo Pad floating in the cup

I've got that lethargic feeling
I've got that lethargic feeling
I've got that lethargic feeling
Once again, again, again

So I limp to the lounge and slump on the settee
But I'm two-foot away from the remote control
In the end I manage to turn on the telly
With a special multi-purpose wooden pole

Ten minutes into Diagnosis Murder
I'm realise I've seen this episode before
My last movement point is spent trying to turn it over
But I drop my pole and end up collapsing on the floor

So I stare at the ceiling for a while and sigh
But soon sighing becomes too much of a strain
I examine the flight path of a household fly
And study every cobweb and nicotine stain

I've got that lethargic feeling
I've got that lethargic feeling
I've got that lethargic feeling
Once again, again, again

I feel like Gulliver in the land of Lilliput
When he came round and found he was bound to the ground
Except there's no midgets crawling over me
And I'm not trying to satirise 18th century monarchy

Lethargy is a luxury granted by industrialisation
Century upon century of technological innovation
Has meant that we are finally free of the obligation
Of physical activity, and this is the culmination
Of Western civilization

So I lay on the floor unable to move
And before I know it two more days have passed
Maybe this song should end with a chorus
But, you know what, I can't be arsed