Culture

There are two theatres in Worthing: the Connaught, which seems to stage pantomimes all year round, and the Pavilion. On every hoarding in Worthing there are posters advertising shows at the Pavilion which invariably feature the words ‘amazing’ and ‘legendary’ and a picture of an aged unknown bearded man in a suit. Every summer, however, the Buddy Holly tribute bands and Rod Hull impersonators make way for a variety of big name acts such as Bernard Manning and Jim Davidson.

Nightlife

At night, once the town is cleared of the daily OAP shuffle, the streets of Worthing become a giant circuit for boy-racers to cruise around whilst listening to Our Price compilations. Many years ago there used to be a nightclub on the pier called Rutherfords. According to local legend the DJ’s - as well playing the usual ‘cheesy choons’ - often ended the night with ultra-laddist crowd-pleasers such as the theme tune from ‘Match of the Day’.

Landmarks

The Dome Cinema is the one redeeming feature of Worthing. It was built long ago in the past sometime, and it has a nice bell thing on top. Positioned opposite the promenade, lodged between a bus-depot and an ice-cream parlour, the Dome is a pert reminder of what buildings looked like before progress dictated that we only build ugly things.

People

For a true indication of what Worthing has to offer, one need only look upon the faces of its unfortunate inhabitants. In addition to being generally quite unsightly, many of their facial features have hardened into a permanent expression of harassment, as if they are constantly having an argument with someone. Alongside these querulous types you also find numerous examples of faces that have grown weary and passive, as if the sheer dreariness of the town has etched its indelible banality into their living tissue.