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oath with heavy metal hair and body-builder biceps. His vocabulary consists primarily of Tarzanesque grunts, which of course, bodes well for his career as a conqueror. One day, when they are both kneeling in a stream biting the heads off fish, they spot some barbarian types on a hill. They follow them, hide in a bush, and watch with horror as the barbarians eat a human arm and wear paper-mache hats. Etna shoots a boulder - football style - at a barbarian's head just so that Thor has to have a fight, which, as it happens, he wins. When the fighting is over Thor naturally discards his wooden club in favour of his opponent’s short-sword (nothing gives a warrior more pleasure than using a progressively improved selection of weaponry). He finds a prisoner tied to a rock, frees her, takes her back to a cave, and, with great encouragment from Etna, ravishes her. She then gets stabbed by some more barbarians, and there's another short (although, by no means exciting) combat scene.


Chink!

Now that Thor has both "killed a man and known a woman", he is ready to embark on a proper quest, such as traveling to a place and retrieving an object, in this case 'The Golden Seed of Life'. Thor sets off and soon comes to another stream, where he hears a

high-pitched noise (not unlike radio intereference), which makes him clutch his ears. Then a bloke with an axe steps out of the mist, so Thor, observing conqueror etiquette, immediately attacks him. As it turns out, however, this is no ordinary bloke - for he is able to disapear at will, and has a face like mud.


Some sort of Orc-type creature

Thor kills him anyway, and gleefully upgrades his short-sword for the bloke's axe. Later that night, whilst resting in a cave, Thor is haunted by terrifying images of goblins and green chickens (no doubt symbolising the anxiety of his current adventure). He reacts in the only way he knows how, i.e. hitting them with his axe. This of course only encourages them to laugh evilly thus creating an authentic ghost-train ambience. They laugh some more, and then disappear...


"What strange apparitions I see before me..."


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