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- A Forgotten Legacy -
Thor The Conqueror
	"A tale of mythology and magic, of how Thor, a legendary god triumphs over overwhelming odds to great victory and the destruction of his foes. His parents slain at his birth, Thor is raised by Etna, the birdman. Taking the beautiful warrior virgin, Ino, as his companion, his exploits lead to a confrontation with Gnut, the slayer of his father. Blinded, how can Thor overcome Gnut and his horde? Watch the story of Thor, The Conqueror, to this day recalled in legend and in rock drawings." Director: Anthony Richmond Starring: Conrad Nichols, Christopher Holm, Maria Romano Made in: 1983
	Thor's mum goes into labour when his dad points a sword at her womb. He then leaves her to it and joins Etna in worshiping a nearby stone monument. When Thor is born he is held aloft in triumphant exaltation, but immediately gets shot by an arrow. This signals the arrival of Gnut and his horde of highlanders/mime-artists. Thor's dad waves his sword in a menacing circlular fashion, but he too gets shot by an arrow (since neither Thor nor his dad suffer any repercussions from these wounds it seems bows must be somewhat less effective in this particular mythological era). It is only when Thor's dad gets shot by another arrow - this time through his neck - that he starts to stagger This is Thor, he bites the heads off fish		about in a mandatory prelude to the death of a significant character. When he finally falls over, his sword turns into a snake, Etna vanishes with the baby, and Thor's mum starts wimpering in the bushes thereby prompting Gnut to go over and stab her. Etna trains Thor in the ways of voyeurism Thor is subsequently brought up by Etna the birdman, who has the ability to alter his appearance (between an owl and a man with huge shoulder pads). He can also create small puffs of smoke when he chucks stuff on fires. Seemingly these are the only spells he knows, and because they're so crap he does them repeatedly throughout the film. Thor,on the other hand, is simply an...
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