Far from simply being a pleasant way to spend an evening with relatives, most board-games are in fact a sophisticated and insidious form of propaganda. Although moving little counters around a board may seem like an innocuous activity, one does not need to look too deeply to discover that even a simple game is often bristling with ideological content.

I’m not talking about kids games like Operation or Buckaroo (which, incidentally, are merely motor-coordination exercises), nor the word/quiz games designed to flatter the vanity of bourgeois adults. Nor do I mean those games that are crap spin-offs from films and TV shows (for example, go to any carboot sale and you will find a copy of The Neighbours Game). No, I mean proper board-games, the sort where you spend hours rolling dice and handing bits of paper to each other.

Proper board-games are generally microcosmic representations of some aspect of reality, and herein lies their power to influence. By drawing us into a closed and rule-regulated system of thought, games attune our brain patterns towards a specified objective (usually making money and killing), so that when we play them our thought-processes are ever-so-slightly, yet permanently, modified. Depending on the aim of the game (usually making money or killing), we are henceforth subtly inclined to think in ways which naturally lead us towards that objective in reality. Of course, such psychology is redundant when the premise of a game is as self-evident as these examples.




Monopoly

This classic game has been indoctrinating families for decades with the ethos of unadulterated capitalism. It is so effective at inducing a frenzied state of greed in players that most of them end up begrudging their mates a £10 birthday present, even when they own half of London.

Risk

Based on the imperialistic wars of the Napoleonic era, this game encourages you to foster dreams of world domination. Even though it teaches players a lot about outdated geography, it also inclines you to regard human life as the equivalent of a small wooden or plastic block.



Totopoly

Like Monopoly, only it's about horse-racing. (It has been less successful at brainwashing people for this reason alone).

Heroquest

There are many games of this ilk and they are all based on the themes of violence and Aryan hero-worship. You might think that bloodshed is okay when it's only goblins and trolls that are being slaughtered, but it's patently clear that such creatures are the product of a thinly-sublimated form of racism.



The Game of Life

This game promotes a materialistic attitude and encourages utter conformity. The aim of the game is to reach the retirement home with as much money and assets as possible (just in time to die). The adherence to convention is rigorous; the only choice you get to make in the whole game is whether or not to go to university. Apart from that you are not allowed to deviate from the Job-Marriage-Car-Kids formula at any time. Not only does this deny the existence of freedom, it also makes for an incredibly boring game.

Cluedo

Although this game does not technically involve killing (as the murder has already happened), it makes up for this by leading you into a pathological quagmire of paranoia. It induces you to view your friends with suspicion, to trust no-one, and to be deceitful yourself. On top of all this, the fact that you don’t even know whether or not you did the murder cultivates a guilt-ridden neuroticism and/or a tendency to repress memories and live in denial. All of which are conducive to psycho-manipulation by the state and/or advertising agencies.



PolEconomy

This little-known game is not based on the Polish economy (as I feared when I bought it), nor on the regime of Pol Pot (as I’d hoped when I bought it). Instead, each player takes on the role of a company executive, and it works a bit like monopoly. However, you can also dabble in government in order to further your financial interests. As this game was made in the 80s it is entirely Thatcherite and takes a completely blasé approach to such things. What is also disturbing is that the ‘advertising squares’ feature real adverts of real companies who must have paid to be included in the game.

The Third Reich

Pretending to be either Stalin or Hitler is probably not a very healthy thing to do. Yet this game is designed specifically to allow you to indulge every megalomaniac and genocidal whim which might otherwise be deemed anti-social. However, just as some people claim that porn prevents rape, this game - if you provided every world leader with a copy - might just lead to world peace.